


Deep Breath

by Vialana



Series: Hope [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode 1x03, Gen, Rivalry, Sublimation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 13:16:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10854771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vialana/pseuds/Vialana
Summary: Envy is an ugly emotion. Lance hates it. Shooting things helps him deal with it.





	Deep Breath

**Author's Note:**

> So, we're going backwards before I push further on with this series (mostly because the next part is not yet polished enough for posting). This is more of an early insight into Lance's character development as a whole (though it does plant a few seeds for his romantic development too).
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

Lance honestly thought he was getting over hating Keith. Sure they argued and Keith was fun to goad, but they were all part of the same team. They were all paladins with different skills and abilities and they were all important  _ because  _ of their differences. He got the teamwork memo, okay!

So why, after they managed to save the day and make friends with the Arusians and send a bunch of prisoners they rescued back to their homes, did Lance feel like shit?

Why couldn’t he get rid of this dark and ugly envy that clawed at his gut?

(That sneering voice in the back of his head reciting all of Keith’s achievements and the comments from their instructors looking down on Lance, who barely scraped into the program: Lance’s own secret hidden fears asking why he couldn’t be that good, that cool, that special — _ why can’t you be more like Keith? _ )

Just … why did Keith get the cool moment and the awesome sword and the save the day praise? Why couldn’t it have been Lance? Why was it always Keith?

(And Lance does know that he’s being stupid, that all of the paladins have bayards with different abilities and maybe when they use their bayard in Voltron they get a cool combo move too, but _knowing_ that doesn’t help how he  _ feels _ , or the fact that he hates that he’s feeling it at all.)

In retrospect, the training deck probably wasn’t the best place to try and work off his frustration. Keith was always there, practicing, exercising, learning how to fight with his bayard, being awesome. When he got there, Lance was only a little jealous and frustrated and probably would have got over it if he hadn’t walked in and seen the smile on Keith’s face as he easily took down a gladiator with just the flick of his wrist and the swish of his sword.

Keith’s joy at his win and the brief triumphant laugh stoked the tiny flame of resentment in the back of Lance’s mind into an inferno that chased him to Blue’s hanger and, when that wasn’t enough to comfort him, to fly from the castle to find an empty patch of land to scream his frustrations to the wind.

It just wasn’t fair. Keith was already the best pilot and the best fighter and he just kept improving. Lance was never going to catch up.

He looked up at the sky, eyes blurring with tears — from staring at the sun, of course.

Logically, he knew it wasn’t Keith’s fault, how Lance felt, but Lance wanted to blame him anyway.

He could feel Blue reaching out to him, probably reacting to his whirlwind emotional state, but this wasn’t something she could help with. He already knew that he was important to her — the _most_ important to her. She chose him, after all.

She chose him instead of Keith, even after Keith spent a year searching the desert for her, and just then he loved her so much for that.

“I’m sorry,” he said aloud, pushing the sentiment towards her as he flopped onto the ground by her paw and contemplated the smattering of coarse grass beneath him. “I’m trying to get over this. I really am. I just need something to focus on, something that doesn’t remind me of him, of me, of … the mess inside my head.”

Blue was in his head; she probably knew better than even he did what he wanted to escape from. So he really shouldn’t have been surprised by the insistent thought from her regarding his own bayard.

Lance frowned but reached for the weapon anyway. He trusted Blue, trusted that she knew what she was doing. He activated his bayard and considered his weapon.

After all the training they’d done, the energy rifle now felt familiar in his grip. His fingers slipped easily into the grooves on the handle and he cocked his arm to let it rest against his shoulder. It was surprisingly lightweight and easy to maneuver, and Lance probably shouldn’t feel like this about a weapon but he adored it. Even so … 

“I don’t think shooting things is going to make me feel better, Blue.”

Blue huffed. Lance grinned at the feeling, recognising his own influence over her.

“Okay, fine.” He clambered to his feet. “I will shoot up the environment, never mind that this planet didn’t do anything to me to deserve it.”

And that was an eye roll. Lance loved Blue and made sure she knew it. She almost seemed to sink into the emotion before returning her focus to Lance and his gun.

It took a moment for Lance to parse what she was communicating.

“Far … distance. You want me to try improving my aim over distance?” He looked down at his weapon with raised eyebrows. “How versatile is this thing? Like, are we talking sniper rifle?” 

At Blue’s affirmation, Lance grinned. “So freaking cool.” He pulled his rifle from his shoulder and stabilised the barrel with his left hand. “Okay! Let’s do this!”

Lance looked around. The castle rose high above the sea in the distance behind him. He turned away from the direction of the Arusian village and the nearby forest and set his sights on a rocky outcropping further inland dotted with different coloured rocks and formations of varying sizes. Perfect for target practice.

Blue was quiet in his mind, projecting a steady air of calm.

Lance's grin faded. They still hadn't managed that whole looking through each other's eyes trick yet, but she was still here, helping him as best she could.

“Thanks Blue.” Lance patted her huge paw.

He moved back to where he could see his target, making sure the sun was out of direct sight as he raised his rifle and took aim. He exhaled slowly, like they'd been taught at the Garrison, and squeezed the trigger.

The shot went wide enough to miss everything.

Lance whirled around, hands and rifle held up defensively. “That was just a practice shot!”

But Blue didn’t laugh at him. She just projected that same calm focus at him, urging him to try again.

He did. He overcompensated in the opposite direction and the shot went wide again, but it was closer to the mark than his first and Lance could feel how the two shots were different, where he might make improvements to his aim or position.

Lance felt a deep tingling in his gut, like the anticipatory thrill of staring over the edge of a cliff. He looked to Blue to see her looking back at him.

One more time …

Dust exploded as his shot hit the mark. In the distance, bird-like alien animals squawked and took flight as they escaped the disturbance ringing in the air.

He grinned, knowing the expression was sharp and full of danger and looked up at Blue.

“Practice makes perfect,” he said and his Lion roared in agreement.

Lance turned back to try again.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr: [ladyvialana](https://ladyvialana.tumblr.com/)


End file.
